Lady Gaga recently opened up about the fibromyalgia she’s been living with for the past few years — and there’s more candid moments where that came from. In a new trailer for her upcoming Netflix documentary, Five Foot Two, the pop star is shown visiting doctors and reflecting on the effect the chronic ailment has had on her life.
The Joanne singer says the combination of rigorous touring schedules and her fibromyalgia diagnosis have caused her to experience symptoms like “paranoia, fear, body pain, [and] anxiety.” She continues, holding back tears, “I go from everyone touching me all day, and talking at me all day, to total silence, and all these people will leave, and then I’ll be alone.” Gaga adds, “I have chased this pain for five years, but when I feel the adrenaline in my music and my fans, I can f*cking go.”
Ahead of the film’s premiere at the Toronto International Film Festival earlier this month, Gaga opened up about her chronic pain. “My pain really does me no good unless I transform it into something that is,” Mother Monster explained at a press conference. “I hope that people watching [the documentary] that struggle with chronic pain know they are not alone.” A few days later, she revealed that fibromyalgia was the cause of her pain, tweeting, “In our documentary the #chronicillness #chronicpain I deal w/ is #Fibromyalgia I wish to help raise awareness & connect people who have it.”
This week, not long after being forced to cancel her performance at the Rock in Rio festival in Brazil because she was hospitalized for her pain, the musician announced that she would be postponing the European leg of her Joanne world tour until early 2018. “As I get stronger and when I feel ready, I will tell my story in more depth, and plan to take this on strongly so I can not only raise awareness, but expand research for others who suffer as I do, so I can help make a difference. I use the word ‘suffer’ not for pity, or attention, and have been disappointed to see people online suggest that I’m being dramatic, making this up, or playing the victim to get out of touring. If you knew me, you would know this couldn’t be further from the truth. I’m a fighter. I use the word suffer not only because trauma and chronic pain have changed my life, but because they are keeping me from living a normal life,” she wrote on Instagram on Monday.
Later in the Five Foot Two teaser, which also shows Lady Gaga attending a baptism, diving in a pool, and recording new music in the studio, she visits her grandmother and talks about her Aunt Joanne, who died at the age of 19 and after whom the star’s most recent album is named. “My family is the most important thing in my life,” she shares. “I can always bring my past with me, but I can never go back. You’ve gotta leave yourself behind.” Gaga also discusses her personal, subversive approach to stardom in the trailer. “The truth is, when producers wanted me to be sexy, I always put some absurd spin on it that made me feel like I was still in control,” she says at one point. “I want to do the opposite of what everyone thinks I’m going to do.”
